I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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