i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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