The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
