Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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