I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
