i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
