so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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