sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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