i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize