I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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