My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
