Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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