I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize