I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I deserve this hangover.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
