those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
