I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
