All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
