every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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