So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize