i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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