Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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