I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
