you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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