Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize