this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
