you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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