your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
