Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
