I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
