So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
