it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
