pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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