I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
