i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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