Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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