If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
