Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
