Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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