Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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