So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Everclear isn't food dammit
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