He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
