The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
