There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize