Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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