make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
