Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
