I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
