A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize