FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
