i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
