dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
