dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
