I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize