I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
