All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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