I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
