Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
