Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
