We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
