i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
