We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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