its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
