all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
