1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
