you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
