90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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